depression · relationships · Relationships · Uncategorized

Fighting My Daemons Like It’s My Job

I don’t know what it is, maybe the change in weather, maybe my hormones, but man, am I struggling BIG time. It’s easy to write about happiness when you’re happy, when life is perfect and the sun is shining super bright. Today doesn’t feel like that and it has nothing to do the with the US election. I’ve been slaying these daemons for a week now but I;m afraid they’re starting to win.

I’ve been through dialectal behavior therapy and I know how to work through my cognitive distortions. I even have a running list of evidence for and evidence against but it’s not adding up. I’m afraid I’m going to be alone. Forever. That I’ll be a single mom, forever. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing except for the fact that I’ve been in a relationship for three years with a great guy who’s been beyond loving and supportive. We even just got back from a European vacation, FINALLY met his dad and even stayed in their family home. So one would say that everything is moving forward and headed towards marriage, which is what we both want. Then why do I feel so lonely? Why do I feel like it’s all about to go away? Am I sabotaging my relationship by letting my insecurities get to me?

When you suffer from anxiety and depression, even a small seed of worrying starts to grow like weeds and is nearly impossible to eradicate. I need to keep my shit together and get through this phase. It’ll pass, eventually. I hope so anyway. What are some things you do to help manage your anxiety and depression? How do you work through your fears?

 

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