depression · Family · Love · mindset · Workplace

Is There More to Life Than This?

The-Meaning-Of-LifeEver get that burnt out, I want to hide under my desk and sleep feeling? Yes, I’m there. Right now. I’m tired beyond repair. It’s my first week back from disability and I’m exhausted. I’m fighting a cold and my body is tired. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to sit in any meetings. I don’t want to respond to useless emails. I keep finding myself struggling with feeling hopeless and saying to myself, there has to be more to life than this. There has to be more to life than this rat race.

My logical mind tells me I should be grateful that I have an amazing job. And not just any job, but the job I worked my ass off to get. Maybe even my dream job. I can’t help but feel maybe my dream has changed. But why do I feel guilty about it? I tried talking to my boyfriend about it last night and he said I should find happiness in the smaller things and hold onto that feeling for as long as possible. I agree with him to some extent but why does that sound like settling and being complacent? I don’t want to live a mediocre life. If you had asked me three months ago if I’d make it to 2016, I wouldn’t have been able to promise you that.

I’m struggling with figuring out the meaning of life. I know deep down it’s more than making money and working the 9-5. I’m grateful to have my health despite fighting this cold. I’m blessed to have a loving son that feels ‘sorry’ for me because I’m sick. In so many ways, I know I’m lucky. But I don’t want to waste my time at this office working, pushing paper, sending emails. I want my life to matter. I want to make a difference. I just don’t know what that looks like right now. Have you ever felt this way? What did you do? Please help!

xoxo,

Sy

 

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5 thoughts on “Is There More to Life Than This?

    1. Thanks JC – That was very helpful. I guess I’m still in the beginning stages of defining what it is that I want. I’m not sure anymore. I thought I knew, but everything just feels different now.

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  1. This was an amazing post! So relatable in some aspects as well. I know the feeling you’re talking about and it’s not the most pleasant feeling to have, despite what the logic in our minds try telling us. Back at the end of 2014, I was in a similar situation with the feeling. I had a great job, I was taking part in a few literature workshops in college, but I still had those feelings. I wanted more than a 9-5 and a class. My dream changed. I asked for advice and got similar advice to what your boyfriend said to you, but for me, the feeling was still there. I quit my job, dropped out of college and aimed at opening my business. I did that for a solid two years and due to personal reasons, closed it and am hoping to re-open it sometime when I feel I can manage it again. I guess what I’m trying to tell you is, you seem like a motivated person who is driven, so why not make that change in your life? You could have worked your ass off for the job — and as amazing as that is, if it’s not your lifestyle anymore, maybe try taking a break, if you can, try a bunch of different things that you’ve been wanting to try and figure out what it is that makes the you, you are now, happy? You’re only guranateed one life, so don’t ever think you shouldn’t try – don’t feel guilty. The world is one big playground. Adulthood simply means finding the righ one for you. Somewhere along the line adults, including myself, forget that. I hope you find everything you’re looking for and that your meaning of life unfolds as you get to try different things.

    PS: Hope you’re feeling better! Colds are horrible.

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  2. Oh mike – thank you so much for your thoughtful response. I agree with everything you said, I guess I just need to figure out what it is that I want to do. Unfortunately, I can’t quit my job – I need to support my son. I was away from work for 3.5 months which is the longest amount of time I haven’t worked since I was 13. I’m 33. So for the last 20 years, I’ve just been going, hustling, working my ass off, thinking making more money was the answer to happiness. And although it helps and we live a comfortable life, I know in my soul, that something isn’t right. I’m going to take the next 6 months and do some soul searching. I did sign up at Unicef and undergo some volunteer training. One step at a time right? Are you in a better place now? How did you get there?

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  3. I really appreciate your honesty and how vulnerable you were. This post can help so many who deal with the same questions. I pray you are encouraged and you can find out how to revamp your love for your current dream job, or what other dream you may have. Looking forward to reading your future posts. Again, love the honesty!

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