Relationships are hard. Like super hard. Funny enough, my single people want to be in one and my married peeps have fantasies of wanting to be out of one. I call this the no-win paradox. People always want what they don’t have or can’t have. Such is life. *shrug*
I’m blessed to finally be in a healthy relationship with a man that loves me, respects my body and mind, and drives me crazy. There are moments where I want to punch him in the face. Some may argue I have anger management problems – I just call it dating a very stubborn man. And of course I would punch his face with love. I’ve outright told him that I’d like to take a nerf bat and beat the shit out of him. He’s pretty open to the idea.
Tuesday was decision day for the Married At First Sight couples and man was it intense. In case you haven’t figured it out by now, it’s a show where three couples get married at first sight, literally. 🙂 In my opinion these couples have the biggest balls I’ve ever seen – they completely trusted someone else to match them with their potential soulmate and have six weeks to figure out if they want to stay married. Ok, just to clear one thing up, I’m not a reality show kind of chic but this is the greatest social experiment of all time, next to Naked and Afraid. I do love that show. So in watching the last three seasons, here are the top 8 things I’ve learned about relationships:
- Communication is key: You seriously can’t ever over-communicate. And remember, communication isn’t just verbal. Your mannerisms and the tone of what you’re saying is just as important. Did you know that communication is 7% verbal and 93% non-verbal? Non-verbal includes body language (55%) and tone of voice (38%). To learn more, click here. Vanessa finally was able to step it up and address her concerns with Tres head on and that’s where they made the most progress.
- Beware of baggage: Just when you think you’ve gotten over your past, it hits you right smack in the face. And just because something happened to you before in a previous relationship, doesn’t mean that it’s going to happen for certain in your current or future relationship. To be in a relationship, you need to trust the other person, but with your eyes wide open.
- Sense of humor is a must: Let’s be honest – life is hard. And a small laugh goes a long way. By long I mean, all the way to the bank. You have to be able to laugh at yourself and bring levity to moments that are about to become a total shit show. This doesn’t mean you should never be serious or deal with issues head on. It just means that a good laugh never hurt nobody, mean words often do.
- Live in the moment and not the future: Some couples are so focused on what’s going to happen at the end of the 6 week courtship that they don’t really get to live in the moment and focus on the here and now. As humans we get so caught up in what’s going to happen or should happen that we don’t really allow ourselves to be completely present.
- Physical attraction is overrated: They say beauty is in the eye’s beholder. Amen to that. Someone can be extremely good looking but be a complete douche as a result of that. The inverse is also true, where you have a not so good looking person but their personality makes up for what’s physically lacking. I think most people tend to fall somewhere in the middle where they need a little bit of both. In season 3, Ashley did not allow herself to look past David’s looks. As a result, they were unable to build a foundation and instead chose to get a divorce.
- Friendship is the foundation of a solid relationship: For a relationship to really grow and flourish, you have to be friends first. The sex will come and it will likely be great but for it to mean something, friendship is where it’s at. This is where you build trust and really get to know someone. You figure out whether or not you’re compatible long term or if this is just a 2 month fling.
- Family and friends play a role: We are social creatures and we look to our family and friends for support/guidance when we are confused. Sometimes the advice is good. And sometimes, not so much. The truth is everyone has the best of intentions but it’s ultimately you who has to make the decision on how you want to live your life.
- Be your authentic self: You can certainly fake it till you make it but trust in this – the truth will come out. The only way for any relationship to work is you have to be genuine all the time. Unfortunately Neil from Season 3 was unable to be authentic on and off the camera and this really impacted their relationship. When you’re not authentic you run the risk of turning people off because 8 out of 10 times, the other person will see right through you. So be you. To be anyone else other than you is doing yourself the biggest disservice of ALL time.
The Six Months After episode is next Tuesday – I really hope that Tres and Vanessa were able to get through the storming and norming aspects of their relationship and decide to stay married. People’s true personality comes out when no one is looking so it’ll be interesting to see what actually went down in the last 6 months. So my people, grab a glass of wine and your lover and let them know how much they mean to you. Because at the end of the day, all we really need and want is to love and be loved. <3.
What do you think is missing from this list? Would love to hear from you!